Not sure if this is the place for it but, I needed to write out my feelings tonight....
I went and saw Mamma Mia with a friend and her mother. It was a great movie and so much fun, but as we were walking out, my friend's mom (who is visiting for a few weeks) started talking about how she is teaching her granddaughter "itsy-bitsy" spider and other songs and getting to spend some quality time with her daughter and granddaughter. We all chatted for a few minutes and then as I was walking to my car, I just started bawling - missing my mom so much I could barely breathe. Oh, how I would love to spend a night at the movies with her watching a chick flick, or just a chat on the phone over nothing, or have her visiting, playing with Kyla - teaching her songs. Itsy-Bitsy spider was one my mom used to sing to me all the time - and a very special memory.
I think what hurts the most is there is nothing I can do about it. She's never coming back and I will never have those experiences with her, no matter how much I long for it. I can talk with her in spirit, she's watching over us, etc - but it's not the same. It's not the same as having her here physically in my life. And I know a million people around the world have lost people they love and want them back just like me. But in my own little world, I'm just a daughter grieving for her mother and wanting her back so badly I physically ache.
So I'm writing this down and sending it out into the universe..... hoping to let some of the hurt go.....
