Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Not sure if this is the place for it but, I needed to write out my feelings tonight....
I went and saw Mamma Mia with a friend and her mother. It was a great movie and so much fun, but as we were walking out, my friend's mom (who is visiting for a few weeks) started talking about how she is teaching her granddaughter "itsy-bitsy" spider and other songs and getting to spend some quality time with her daughter and granddaughter. We all chatted for a few minutes and then as I was walking to my car, I just started bawling - missing my mom so much I could barely breathe. Oh, how I would love to spend a night at the movies with her watching a chick flick, or just a chat on the phone over nothing, or have her visiting, playing with Kyla - teaching her songs. Itsy-Bitsy spider was one my mom used to sing to me all the time - and a very special memory.
I think what hurts the most is there is nothing I can do about it. She's never coming back and I will never have those experiences with her, no matter how much I long for it. I can talk with her in spirit, she's watching over us, etc - but it's not the same. It's not the same as having her here physically in my life. And I know a million people around the world have lost people they love and want them back just like me. But in my own little world, I'm just a daughter grieving for her mother and wanting her back so badly I physically ache.
So I'm writing this down and sending it out into the universe..... hoping to let some of the hurt go.....
2 comments:
well i just teared up reading that. i can't imagine how you feel and i think it would be hard to breathe at all without my mom around.
you are such an amazing mom to sweet kyla and she is lucky to have you! you are doing such a great job :)
I can't imagine the pain and wanting you feel, I cried reading that. Hope you feel the love coming from the universe to you!
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